One of my least favorite things to do is call Comcast and try to negotiate and threaten my way into a lower bill. It’s an annual endeavor, and if you’re not doing it there are various guides out there. I’m actually surprised by how vague and unhelpful they tend to be; maybe one day I’ll make a better one.
Here’s a summary of my exploits to date:
2011 – Called, and got nowhere. Did an online chat, and got nowhere. Got condescended to about not getting what an introductory rate was. Finally got my bill cut in half “since I didn’t understand.”
2015 – Got cable again after a hiatus during which I was in a live-on position. Sweet introductory rate of $20/month, plus the modem rental I kept procrastinating on taking care of.
2016 – Called, got transferred to some special agent. Went back and forth for a long time. Finally quoted a Frontier FiOS deal that wasn’t even available in my area. The agent pretended to “trick” the system to get me a lower rate.
And that brings us to today. Today did not go well.
The guide I linked says to lead with a hard bluff. The words wouldn’t leave my mouth. My training is in compassionate communication, remember? I believe in having cards on the table, in working together, in getting walked all over by a world of non-hippies. I said, “My bill went up because a promotion ended. I either need to find another promotion or I guess cancel my service even though I don’t want to, because, uh, competitors have offers… that are… good….”
I told myself I would listen real hard for the agent’s name, and use it. My brain got in the way so I’ll call her Vonda. Vonda told me the best she could do was $44/month. That’s a $20 discount from the “normal” rate, but damn it it’s a $14 increase from my discounted rate and it’s a slippery slope from that to fascism. I pretended to be stupid and told her how the last agent tricked the system. Vonda put me on hold and told me that was really the best she could do.
I asked Vonda to go ahead and cancel my account, effective at the end of the billing period (because I’ve heard horror stories of Comcast agents terminating service immediately. And then probably driving to my house and murdering my cat). Vonda said “OK.” Telling her I was bluffing wasn’t really an option, so effective November 1 my account will be canceled.
My new plan is to call back, hopefully speak to someone else, and say something like, “Hey I canceled my account but I see that you have xyz promotional offer available, I’d be happy to continue if I can get that.” Maybe that will work?
All because there is no competition in this industry. They have secret illegal deals to stay out of each other’s territory or something. It’s infuriating.
I’ll keep you updated.